The Writer’s Dilemma, Part 2: Friends, Family & Leisure

Posted by David Duhr in Strategies      6 comments

Apr
5

Last week we talked about some strategies for fitting more writing — or thinking about writing! — into three of six of the main aspects of life: career, exercise and sleep. Today we’ll cover three more, the closely intertwined friends, family and leisure.

Remember, clocking in every single day is the key. You probably won’t always produce words; few writers actually write every day, despite what they may say. But if you can find some way, every day, to advance your WIP, even when it doesn’t involve pen to paper, then you’re doing the necessary work.

But today’s strategies will be as much about creating more time as they will be about using your time differently.

So here is the second half of our series of tips you’ve probably already heard but have likely forgotten.

Leisure

Often it makes us feel guilty, binge-watching TV shows and movies, reading People and US Weekly, putting together a jigsaw puzzle. We torture ourselves with thoughts like, “I should be spending this time writing.” And because of those thoughts, our leisure time is less relaxing than it should be.

Leisure time is no less important than any other activity in life. As Yi Shun Lai wrote in her recent post about leisure and balance, “Life balance includes vegetation. It includes doing things daily that you truly enjoy, on a lizard-brain level, with no end goal in sight. Stuff shakes loose when your brain is at rest. Problems get solved.”

But somewhere in your leisure time, there can be a compromise. When the Netflix season of Arrested Development came out, we watched every episode that first day. And it was fun, sure. (If also mildly disappointing.) However, we could have just as easily watched half of the season that day and half the next, and still had the same amount of fun downtime.

That’s a compromise. Two hours of nighttime TV instead of three. Watching a ninety-minute movie instead of your tenth viewing of The Godfather. Reading four chapters of a spy thriller instead of eight. (Though we might hesitate to suggest cutting down on your reading.)

And with that leftover time, go take a long walk. Leave the headphones at home (hell, leave your phone at home), and — say it with me now — think about your writing project.

Or just sit on the couch, TV off, radio off, phone off. Just sit there and chill. You can think about your project, if you’d like. Or don’t. Just as long as you’re in a quiet setting.

That’s the kind of leisure time that is also good for your writing life.

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Family & Friends

Our obligations to others can be difficult to manage. Especially if your family and/or friends are particularly needy and demanding. Again, time and balance are key here. We want to spend time with those we love, and we should. But not to the point where we forsake our personal pursuits.

The good thing about hanging out with friends or family is that this time can be folded into your allotted leisure time.

We have writer friends in Boston who host a weekly TV night. Whoever wants to, from their circle of friends and family, has an open invitation to stop by. They all chill out and chat for a bit over food & drink, and then together they catch up on their favorite shows.

You see what that accomplishes, of course. For the rest of the week, these friends of ours have more time to use for writing, since they’ve already spent time with friends and knocked out some of their weekly TV shows.

Leisure time spent with multiple friends and family members. Think of how many hours that can free up in your average week.

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Pointless Summary

I feel silly offering such simple ideas, but again, we all need the occasional reminder that finding more time to write, or using your non-writing time to think about writing, isn’t so difficult after all.

This week, re-frame your leisure time. DO NOT make yourself guilty with thoughts of “I should be writing instead.” Allow your leisure time to be your leisure time. Let it recharge your batteries.

And if you can find a way to fold family and/or friends into that time, all the better.

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Discussion

Does leisure time make you feel guilty? What are some ways to avoid that guilt?

How do you work to combine leisure time and friends/family? Are there any other of these six categories (career, exercise, sleep, leisure, friends, family) that you combine?

Do you agree that thinking about your writing is just as important, or at least nearly as important, as the writing itself?

WriteByNight is a writers’ service dedicated to helping you achieve your creative potential and literary goals. We work with writers of all experience levels working in all genres, nationwide and worldwide. If you have a 2016 writing project that you’d like a little help with, take a look at our book coaching, private instruction and writer’s block counseling services. And join our mailing list, over in the right sidebar, for once-per-week writing goodies in your inbox. 

WriteByNight co-founder David Duhr is copy editor and fiction editor at the Texas Observer and contributes regularly to the Dallas Morning News, Publishing Perspectives, the Observer and other publications.