Learning to Handle Harsh Criticism

Posted by David Duhr in Strategies      75 comments

Jun
15

Discussion questions: What is the harshest external criticism of your writing you’ve ever received, either in public or in private? What was your external reaction, and what was your internal response? How did you move on from it? Does it still bother you?

A few weeks ago we talked a bit about the ways in which some of us mistreat ourselves before, during, or after we write. But what about the ways in which we can be punished by others?

About criticism, Franklin P. Jones, the editor of American Mechanics Magazine, said (according to BrainyQuotes-type sites) it best:

“Honest criticism is hard to take… particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.”

Almost all acts of creation open the creator up to criticism. You write a book, you publish the book, readers read the book, readers say how they feel about the book.

Not all of them will like it. According to my thin research, the highest-rated book on Goodreads is the seventh Harry Potter book, The Deathly Hallows. It carries a 4.62 rating, and 1.6 million people gave it five stars.

Fourteen thousand five hundred people have given it zero stars. Fourteen and a half thousand people finished that book (or some of them did, at least) and said, “Welp, that’s a big, fat pile of garbage.”

If 14,000 people total read anything I ever write, I’ll feel lucky.

If all 14,000 of those people give my book zero stars, I’ll feel… very bad.

If even one of those 14,000 people gives my book zero stars, I’ll feel bad. For a quick moment. You’re never going to make everybody happy.

So what we have to do is learn how to handle negative criticism. Even, dare I say, learn to use it to our advantage.

I’m working on it.

I’ve been lucky enough to avoid any particularly devastating criticism. Partly because I’ve never published a book.

The criticism I do receive is almost always in private, and usually comes from my panicky writer friend, whom we talked about a few weeks ago. About a year ago I sent him a short story and wrote something like, “I think you’ll really enjoy this one!”

He… didn’t. In fact, he hated it. The first two lines of his response email went, “I put a bunch of notes in this, but finally just kind of stopped. I DON’T LIKE THIS STORY.”

Oh.

But you know what? The notes he offered were helpful, and the criticisms he had were (almost) all valid. I reread the story not long ago, and, oof, it really is bad. But if I ever return to it, I’ll know what to do.

But that was easy to handle. When I read his email, I was sitting alone in my bedroom. Nobody had to see my reaction, and nobody else (until now) was even aware of his criticism.

Public criticism is much more difficult.

I’ve been attacked a few times in comment forums, and that stinks. But even then, I’m reading those comments alone, and can ingest them at my own pace, in whatever way I need to.

But in-person public criticism?

I’ve seen writers crushed in workshops and critique groups, and it is not pretty. Because not only are you hearing the criticism of your work in real time, from someone you’re looking at, but you’re also surrounded by other people hearing that same criticism and looking at you to see how you’re handling it. It’s the worst kind of spotlight.

I went to grad school with a writer who was so devastated after a workshop, he vowed never to write fiction again. And as far as I know, he hasn’t. That must have been a brutal workshop.

Our internal critics are cruel enough. Must we really be forced deal with the cruelty of external critics too?

Sorry, but yes.

Talking through it can help, though. So, to that end, what is the harshest (external) criticism of your writing you’ve ever experienced in private? How about in public?

What was your external reaction, and what was your internal response?

How did you move on from that criticism? Did you use it to your advantage? Does it still bother you?

Let me know below. And hey, if you want to attack me in the comments, I’ll be ready for you!

WriteByNight co-founder David Duhr is fiction editor at the Texas Observer and co-host of the Yak Babies podcast, and has written about books for the Dallas Morning News, Electric Literature, Publishing Perspectives, and others.

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