What Do You Sacrifice for Your Writing?
Posted by David Duhr in 
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Discussion questions: What pursuits and activities do you sacrifice for your writing? Who might you be and what might your life look like if you didn’t write? What pursuits do you follow *in addition* to writing, and how are you able to achieve a satisfying balance? Let me know in the comments.
Everything we choose to do also involves choosing a nearly infinite number of things not to do. If I go to a 7:00 Yankees/Red Sox game I can’t attend the 7:00 Broadway show. I can’t sweep the floor while taking a bike ride. (Actually, I guess I could… hmmm.) I can’t perform standup comedy at an open mic night while simultaneously asking leading questions at an awkward and inexplicably well-attended seminar about gutter filters.
And that’s just one-off events. Activities involving a deeper and long-running commitment negate almost every other similar commitment. You can’t become an expert at every musical instrument any more than you can become fluent in every spoken language. It’s hard enough to learn both the piano and how to verbally navigate a piano shop in Paris.
I don’t care about French but I’d love to learn the piano. And the guitar. And to sing. And to speak and read fluent Spanish. Donate my time to causes and campaigns I care about. Plunge down a history rabbit hole and become an expert in a particular person or era. Take hours’ long daily walks around the city. And, and, and…
Thing is, I can’t. Because I’m writing a book. Two books, really. And some stories. And a whole bunch of other nonsense.
The other day a writer friend said to me “I’ve always wanted to get deeply involved in chess, but I don’t have time to do that and finish my book. And the next one.”
Choosing to write means also choosing to discard other pursuits.
Not all! I manage to write and to play in summer and fall baseball leagues. But I definitely write more in the offseason. And it took me a long time to find an acceptable balance between writing, baseball, practicing writing, practicing baseball, reading, work, friends and family, exercise, sleep, movies and TV, etc.
If I tried to throw the piano into that mix, I’d never get anywhere.
In order to write, we sacrifice other versions of who we could be.
Totally worth it, though.
How about you? What pursuits and activities do you sacrifice for your writing? Who might you be and what might your life look like if you didn’t write?
What pursuits do you follow in addition to writing, and how are you able to achieve a satisfying balance?
Let’s talk about it in the comments.
WriteByNight co-founder David Duhr is fiction editor at the Texas Observer and co-host of the Yak Babies podcast, and has written about books for the Dallas Morning News, Electric Literature, Publishing Perspectives, and others.
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For now, I’ve been sacrificing time on my motorcycle for writing. TV/Movie time also went away. Then there is the time I’d normally be spending outside enjoying the scenery and wildlife in my area. (Antelope, jackrabbits, [still haven’t seen that jackalope], roadrunners, coyotes) I’ve been spending all my time writing and editing. Mostly editing over the past year. In short, I have given up most of my ‘free’ time to write. Do I miss it. Of course. But I find that if you have a plan and a longing, yearning need to write, it isn’t really a sacrifice.
Hi,
I agree with the last line. Writing is not really a sacrifice. If someone enjoys something…why not just do it? What else are we really sacrifcing if at that moment in time, we are hapy and finding joy.
Maybe boredom ? Can we sacrifice boredom?? I have no idea.
Good point, Brigitte. You got me to look up the word “sacrifice,” which I hadn’t done before. For one entry I find this: “an act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy.” I think in this case we can say we’re making a sacrifice… it’s just that we’re happy to do so. If I want to paint a picture but instead I write because I want to do that *more* and think it’s more important, that choice can still qualify as a sacrifice. But it’s definitely a win/win situation, assuming… Read more »
Hi David, I appreciate the feedback to begin with. And I guess I do not see writing as something tedious and boring. I used to be very shy and quiet when I was a small child and so it was fun to sit and write and make up stories and to use my imagination. Anything was better than the way I felt I was living. My dad died when I was three years old and left my mom and I alone and very poor. I guess I felt that sadness and loss often and writing gave me a safe place… Read more »
Thanks for sharing, Brigitte. You’re definitely right, there are far worse ways to cope with loss than to write.
Wouldn’t it be great if you could merge editing and riding? Like if you were to record yourself reading the book, listen to it as you ride, and speak edits and thoughts/ideas into a dictation app? I’m not a biker, so I don’t know if this is feasible in any way; probably you couldn’t afford to divert that much of your focus/attention and still drive safely. *While* also searching for that jackalope.
I spent the last ten years writing a novel AND learning to write a novel. While related, they are separate activities. I can’t say writing has kept me from doing/becoming anything in the past because it tended to take lower priority than working and family-raising. Now, I’m done with the latter two so I currently write and help my wife with home improvements. I guess the question is what would I have done/do if not writing. Well, maybe martial arts, drawing and painting, hiking, camping, riding, traveling. But I think if I did any of those things, I would write… Read more »
Are you ever required to make a choice between the writing and the home improvements? What happens?
Home improvements always win.
If you were a more cliche-prone human, you might’ve forced an analogy between writing/editing and home improvement. Thanks for not doing that. (And for leaving it to me, a cliche-prone human.)
I’m sure you’re better at analogies than I am at home improvement.
I taught school for 27 years, was a wholesale rep/salesperson for leading fashion industry for 5 years, dabbled in real estate, then retired! I was exhausted by then. But all that time I had this niggling (is that a real word?) need to write a historical fiction book. So after taking a few months off I plunged in only to become a 24/7 caretaker to my husband who developed dementia. It took 10 years of off & on writing and research but I got it done. Now all I want to do is live the easy retired like & have… Read more »
Hi Cheryl! Now that you’ve finished the book and want no responsibilities, what will you do?! What kinds of activities and pursuits have you been sacrificing for your writing for ten years?
Yes, Cheryl, niggling is a very real word, and relevant to this need to be a writer. Take a look at J. R. R. Tolkien’s faerie-tale “Leaf by Niggle.” Niggle, the protagonist, is a niggling (petty) little man in his world, but he is being niggled (worried) by some deep, vast, wonderful calling
Thanks for clarifying “niggling” for me. Very interesting as well.
You’re very welcome, Cheryl.
Hello world, Great question, David. It made me think about who I am. I started to wonder IF I actually sacrifice anything else so I can sit and write and be creative. The truth is…I really do not feel I need to sacrifice anything else. I enjoy writing very much and when I am in a creative mood…it is the greatest feeling. It is as if NOTHING else even matters to me at that moment but getting out the thoughts living inside of me. It also made me wonder what if I did not write?? Then I might be in… Read more »
I *love* this: “I think how life would be if we could not ever throw out the trash and had to live with tons of garbage. That is how I see my writing. Like getting stuff out of me that does not need to be inside of my body anymore.”
Thanks, Brigitte. Keep up the good work.
Hi David,
Thanks for the compliment.
It is sort of reminds me of how my life feels at times.
Things pile up and then they need to be dumped somewhere. So, why not onto a piece of paper? It is a fine place if you ask me.
Reminds me somewhat of Julia Cameron’s “Morning Pages,” which I think she refers to as a “brain dump.” (And if she doesn’t refer to it as a brain dump, she ought to!)
Goodis
Was here!
It is also pertinent to turn the question the other way round: what about things that made us sacrifice writing (dull jobs, silly conversations, hours of TV watching, social Medias, fear, Aetc…)
Nice to hear from you, Goodis. You’ve reminded me of a series I tried to make about four years ago, “Things I Did This Week Instead of Write.” https://www.writebynight.net/abcs-of-writing/instead-of-writing-1/
And another old post, “I Haven’t Written a Word in Six Weeks”: https://www.writebynight.net/abcs-of-writing/inspiration/writing-lull/
I think it’s helpful to occasionally make a list of the things you choose over writing, and then spend a minute analyzing it. And poking holes in it, if you’re looking to write more.
Interesting. I did not even think about turning the question around. Hmm…that gives me more stuff to write about after I think about the answer to the other question. Great.
Yeah, I think it’s good to look at both once in awhile: What we choose writing over, and what we choose over writing.
This is a great question for someone who has many interests. Like me. I have recently launched a writing project with a writing partner. It’s a passion project that I’ve been chewing on for almost four years, but could not engage with because of a very heavy work schedule as a teacher. The pandemic hit, our kids encouraged us to retire, and I spent the first nine months of that time adjusting to smaller living quarters with my husband, no ‘safe’ places to get out of our apartment to write, as well as, a sense of loss of regular and… Read more »
Hi Terri. Thanks for stopping by. Are the essays a case of diminishing returns, or do you get as much out of reading ten of them as you do out of reading five? I have a writer friend in Austin who wanted something similar: He used to spend hours daily reading dozens of reading/writing blogs and sites and then would lament how much time it took from his writing. So one week he tried something new: On Monday he copy/pasted all those links into a Word file instead, without reading them, and then he kept adding to it all week.… Read more »
I like that strategy. Thanks for sharing, David, I’ll give it a try.
Let me know how it goes!
When I was still in grade school, I tried to imagine myself as an adult. All I could picture was a room whose walls were covered in posters, with a typewriter on a table, and me sitting at the typewriter, writing. Whatever job I had didn’t matter except that it supported my writing. My life as it actually turned out hasn’t been all that different, except that it’s been much more adventurous than I could have imagined. The main thing I sacrificed for writing was sleep — big time, when I was writing books. I blogged the following while working on my series,… Read more »
You always seem to be able to match a topic with a journal entry, even if the entry is from years and years ago. How do you do that? Do you reread them often, or do you just have that kind of memory? Reading your opening graf brought back a memory for me: When I was a kid I wrote these silly little baseball stories, like “Wow, it’s a homerun! The score is now four to three!” One of my older sisters at the time was trying to learn to type, and suddenly I had a flash of her in… Read more »
I love that image of your sister typing one of your stories (real or invention notwithstanding). When I was about 12 I taught myself to type on a Smith-Corona manual because I knew I’d submit stories someday and manuscripts had to be typed. That S-C came with us on family trips. I remember one magical stay in New Hampshire, typing my first novel draft at a picnic table after dark. Even from under the outdoor lights, the sky was so thick with stars that even the easiest constellations got lost in them. (I had also brought along a little refractor telescope, my grade school graduation… Read more »
Twelve-year-old Elissa lugging a typewriter on vacation because she has stories to tell. That’s my new favorite thing.
The first thing I want to give up so I can write is illness. Others high on the list are unhealthy eating, time wasting, and habit addictions like watching TV and YouTube. You would think that would be an obvious choice, but it has been 40 years’ work to get to the point where I can begin to do this. Stephen Covey once said, “No one on their deathbed ever said, ‘I wish I had watched more TV.'” And when I think about the limited number of years I have left to live, I do get motivated to stop wasting… Read more »
Thanks for sharing yet another well thought-out response, Sid. I love the idea of trying to become healthier, pushing off death, in service of your writing. Not that you don’t have other reasons, but I like what it says about your mindset.
If you didn’t write, what do you think would fill that time? What other pursuits, passions, might fit that hole?
Actually, if I felt my writing was complete, I would probably just let go of life and go for easy sailing in whatever space opens up beyond this world. I really feel I’ve done all I can here. If you want to get a sense of that, read “Leaf by Niggle,” a short Faerie-tale by Tolkien. If shuffling off the mortal coil is not an option, I would dedicate myself deeply to my spiritual practices, which I call Dancing Life. If it turns out there is a way to share them with interested people, I would. But all I’ve seen… Read more »
A friend wrote an excellent piece about posterity and the way the culture’s viewpoint on a writer’s work can change. He hits all the common high points — Melville, Faulkner, etc. — but also talks to the reader as if the reader is a writer. I think you’ll appreciate it:
https://electricliterature.com/youll-fete-me-when-im-gone/
An interesting question, and one that I see from a different perspective. You see, I don’t view writing itself as a sacrifice. I write for fun. It’s my escape where I can decompress and on occasion come up with something clever or profound. For me, if it’s important enough to spend the time, energy or money on, then it’s not a sacrifice. If I find I’m spending too much on one thing and not another, then it’s time to make an adjustment. I don’t think much about what I could have been or could be if only things were different.… Read more »
I suppose it is. When I add up all the hours of my life I’ve spent writing, and then the reading I’ve done in aid of that, there are innumerable things I could’ve pursued and/or become good at instead. And right now I’d be on some other blog leaving a comment like “If I hadn’t poured so much time and effort into learning the ukulele I probably would’ve tried to become a writer.” There’d probably be typos in there, too. Poured would be pored; learning would be leaning. I’m happy with the decisions I’ve made and I hope the rest… Read more »