Words & Phrases You’ll Never Write
Posted by David Duhr in 
Earlier this week I got an email from WriteByNighter Ken H. asking if I ever experience “that fingernails-on-chalkboard sensation” when I read certain words or phrases.
“People who feel inclined to take up writing have likely read their fair share of groaning prose,” Ken writes. “There are certain phrases and terms that are so hackneyed they feel to me like someone trying to shove an unsharpened pencil in my eye.”
I couldn’t immediately come up with any, though as soon as I publish this post I’m sure two dozen will rush to mind.
But mostly we want to know yours. Ken is collecting these phrases from his fellow writers, so I thought I’d open it up to you all: Ken’s fellow writers.
What are some words or phrases that make you groan as a reader and that you’d never ever ever use as a writer?
Words or phrases, as Ken puts it, that you’d “take a pencil in the eye” before using in your own work.
Ken passed along a few examples of his own:
“I found myself…”
“Police were baffled.”
“Fun for the whole family.”
“Everyday people.”
The lines are open. Leave your answers in the comments below, or drop me a line if you’d rather remain anonymous (david[at]writebynight.net).
WriteByNight co-founder David Duhr is copy editor and fiction editor at the Texas Observer and has written about books for the Dallas Morning News, Electric Literature, Publishing Perspectives, and others.
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A few words or phrases that I won’t use
“I’m just saying.” A perfect storm. synergy,
Ugh, “synergy.” I’ll use “a perfect storm” sarcastically. And sometimes I’ll catch myself saying “I’m just saying,” and then I feel like hell the rest of the day.
Good list; thanks for sharing.
According to authorities, something you can’t pass up, for a limited time,
Ha, yeah. Anything with “authorities” is off-putting to me.
Something you can’t pass up. How about “a sale you can’t afford to miss”?
“Act now-supplies are limited!; or worse “…operators are standing by.”
Assuredly, supplies are not limited (which the purveyor will be testifying to in bankruptcy hearings), and aside from Lilly Tomlin’s “Earnestine”, operators have gone the way of the Dodo. What they mean is; “Oh Lordy, dont leave us with 10,000 unsold timeshares in the Sinai desert!”
“Now available”. Used on TV by too-long-in-the-tanning-bed car lot owners trying to draw attention to five acres of last year’s overpriced pickups. Not to be confused with “for sale.”
“Everything in the store is on sale.”
Really? I thought you were keeping most of it for yourself.
Now that’s good. I’ll never see that sign on a store front again without yukking.
TV at two in the morning can’t be easy for you. All those infomercials? Supplies are always limited, operators are always standing by, and of course, items are always now available.
But probably for a limited time only. So act fast, and act now!
Any cliche is a given, like “A single tear ran down her face.” Also, anything that would be like really gross, and added nothing to the story or narration. My professor had the worst sentence contest with his wife. She found one that he used in class, “The paycheck drenched in ass sweat was conformed to his cheek.” Now that’s just gross. Also, I would never write anything that had cursing in it or blatant sexual content. I don’t appreciate it, and I’m sure that there are enough of us who don’t that it would behoove authors to eliminate it… Read more »
Thanks, Becky. I love these. And I’m probably going to steal both “son of a Benjaminite” *and* “paycheck drenched in ass sweat.”
Ooh, a worst-sentence contest for the blog. Now THAT would be fun.
Please, i beg of you… no more of the phrase ” IT IS WHAT IT IS ” I noticed people saying that out of the no-where
right in the middle of a story and it never applies.
Good luck getting rid of that one. I think people say it when they don’t know what else to say… and people will never stop not knowing what else to say. I’m surprised we haven’t yet shortened it to IIWII. Pronounced ee-wee.
IIWII:)
You know….way over used. Another is the word smirk. Ya need to look up the definition. I actually refused to complete a book where everyone was smirking. It takes a lot for me to put a book down, but that one word if over used will.. I might use it now and again but that evil grin is needed then. Basically anything which makes me say “oh please,” makes me wonder at their ability to use the English language. If you repeat things over and over, you will lose me as a reader. As to language and sex, that’s fine… Read more »
I cannot handle it when someone uses “smirk” as a dialogue tag. Or anything else that isn’t a dialogue tag.
And yeah, repetition kills me too. When it’s done intentionally it almost never works, and when it’s done accidentally it shows a lack of attention to the editorial process, which is a huge turn-off.
At this point in time
Ooh, yeah. Good one, Fran!
“Everything happens for a reason.” I know some find this a comforting thought in times of distress, but I see no basis for this statement (unless one believes in fate). If something bad happens in our life (or something good, or unusual,, or scary), maybe it’s just a matter of being in the wrong place (or the right place) at the wrong/right time. Maybe we showed poor judgment or acted on impulse, and THAT’S the “reason.” Or maybe it’s simply coincidence, or the result of hard work … or laziness. King Solomon summed it up well in Ecclesiastes when he… Read more »
It’s good to hear from you, Carol. It’s been a while, but, I guess, everything happens for a reason! Maybe you’ll intentionally have a character say that, just so other characters can tear it apart. George Carlin had a bit about “right place at the wrong time” and its variations. Being hit by a stray bullet was, I think, his main example. Wrong place at the wrong time? Or wrong place at the right time–i.e., the time the bullet was fired? Yeah, “Put on your big girl panties” isn’t great. How about when jock-type dudes say to each other, “Does… Read more »
Depending on the character, there is nothing in dialog that would turn me off as long as it’s in character, not over done and tongue in cheek as needed. With the narrator it’s a horse of a different color. There I expect originality if not always at least most of the time,. Just saying. Literally (anything). Although it’s a cliché in itself any cliché done wrong works. That just grinds my petunias:)
Last year I read a book where the writer, in third-person narration exposition, and seemingly with complete sincerity, wrote, “Close, but no cigar.” WTF are you thinking?
“Thankfully they were utilizing the 24/7 go to solutions” grrrrrr ;)
That would be approximately 3.4 solutions.
Haha. That line’s full of ugly stuff.
I spent decades in the corporate world, so you can imagine I’ve endured many linguistic fads. I think the most cringe-worthy was “open the kimono.” Not only is it offensive in its own right, but I never heard it said by anyone I’d like to see naked. “Literally died” is an easy target. There are even lists of obituaries for teenage girls who literally died. One of my current pet peeves (and I have a kennel full) is “Yes [or yeah], no,…” “Want some green-bean flavored ice cream?” “Yes, no, I’ll pass.” Believe it or not, when I went looking… Read more »
“Open the kimono”! I’ve never seen nor heard that. My goodness.
I heard something recently about Merriam-Webster, or one of the major dictionaries (dictionari?), adding a definition for “literally” indicating that it can be used synonymously with “figuratively.” Horrifying.
Sorry, but I was just reminded of another one: Thank you SO much… I used to say this too. Then I started noticing it seems to have replaced the simple “thank you” appropriate to most situations. Shouldn’t we reserve “Thank you so much” for the the more superlative occasions in life? Someone has made you a generous loan, perhaps rescuing you at a low point in your life. “Thank you SO much.” Someone has just saved your child from some terrible disaster. “Thank you so, SO much! There are no words …”! But, “I like your outfit” “Oh. Thank you… Read more »
Good one!
Another one that bothers me is the new response to “Thank you SO much”: “No worries.”
When in the hell did “No worries” replace “You’re welcome”? And WHY? I absolutely hate it.
Hey, no worries, David. Blame Crocodile Dundee for that one.
I’m sick of blaming Crocodile Dundee for everything. It’s a crutch.
Here are a few more I’ve gotten over email:
“Once upon a time”
Post-tragedy: “Our thoughts and prayers are with you.”
“What’s the scuttlebutt?”
“The ins and outs of.”
Some more, via email:
For all intents and purposes
Multitasking
Blare
Tall, dark and handsome
He-man
“Cutesy names like Barbie, Binkie, Muffin”
Big as a house
She is with child
Battle-axe (to describe a person)
My father always despised the words “trust me.” Who are you to demand that I take your word to be truthful, or of value for that matter.
“Trust me” is a good one. “Believe me,” too. Somehow that one sounds even more pompous. We had a workshop professor who used that all the time, usually while dumping on someone’s story. “That’s not how it happens in real life, believe me.” Ugh.
Wow. Reminds me of a cashier (family member) who told someone to “have a nice day, enjoy the sunshine.” The customer spun around and yelled “who are you to tell me what to do, drop dead,” etc. Thank goodness he didn’t say “take care.” It might have come to blows. Frankly, I agree with David Lemke. I would use any of the above phrases as long as it worked for the situation in a book. My pet peeve? I don’t love abbreviating everything, but this is the age of social media so I do it, FYI. Wouldn’t do that in… Read more »
“Gag me with a spoon” < "Grody to the max"
Have a favorite aunt who used to say ‘marvy’ it always felt like finger nails on a chalk board. Now I say it to annoy my wife:)
Groovy!
Here’s another one that’s fit for this season of award shows:
“I’d like to thank….”
Does that mean “I’d like to thank my parents (or whomever), but I can’t force myself to do it”?