My Monday-Morning Quarterback is an A**hole
Discussion questions: There are many more at the bottom of this unfocused, winding post, but here are a few: Do you ever feel exhilarated during and/or after a writing session only to crash hard the next day? Do you read your WIP as you go, or do you forge ahead without looking back? Do you like to write? What’s the worst thing your internal critic tells you?
Here’s a thing I do all the time, and I’m pretty sick of it:
Two weeks ago, in an exhilarating session, I wrote a new 3,000-word Chapter 1 of my novel. At the time, I was certain it was one of the best chapters ever written. Not one of my best… one of the best. Ever.
I’d write a few lines, sit back, take a breath, and nod, smugly.
I’d write two paragraphs, sit back, take a breath, read them, and nod, smugly.
I specifically remember thinking at one point, Finally. I’ve finally found my way into this novel.
And while I didn’t think anything quite this lame, the gist was: There’s no stopping me now!
I went to bed that night happy — thrilled, even — and eager to get up the next morning and keep working.
That’s not the part I’m sick of. I love that feeling.
The following afternoon I sat down to start Chapter 2, but then decided first to read the Chapter 1 I’d written the day before, for a dose of strong inspiration.
So I read it.
And, boy oh boy, it was awful.
And I do mean awful. I hated it.
And that feeling is warranted: I read it again a couple of days ago.
Awful.
I never did start writing Chapter 2 that day. In fact, I haven’t touched the book since.
Late last year we took a look at the ways in which our internal critic derails us. I forgot to mention this one, though it gets me often. My internal critic is an unmerciful Monday-morning quarterback.
After this Chapter 1 incident, I complained about it over email to my writer friend, who chastised me for rereading the chapter rather than moving straight to Chapter 2.
“This is why you don’t go back and only plow ahead,” Drew wrote. “Then you have the whole bulk of the finished draft pushing you. You still hate the whole thing, but trashing it would be insane by then, so you just rewrite.”
But, I wondered, isn’t it equally insane to blindly forge ahead for months or even years just to get a finished draft that “you still hate” anyway?
Why should I not rewrite Chapter 1 until I get to a version I’m happy with, and then move to Chapter 2?
My internal critic has an answer for that: You’ll never write a Chapter 1 you’re happy with, idiot,” he says. “My entire job, my reason for existing, is to prevent that. And I will. Oh, I will…”
This doesn’t feel quite like a matter of swooping vs. bashing, but it’s in the neighborhood. Does it matter whether you swoop or you bash if, hovering above you always, ready to do his or her own swoop-bash, is your internal critic?
To be fair, my Chapter 1 situation isn’t only a matter of internal criticism: Drew eventually read my Chapter 1 and found it almost as awful as I did.
Maybe the question for me is, why do I think in the moment that my work is so good? Especially when I know it’s nearly inevitable that when I reread it, I’ll feel the opposite?
I suspect the answer has something to do with the pleasure I get from the act of writing. I wrote about it a bit in a 2019 post called “Do You Like to Write?” The product of having written, I said at the time, is for me “hit and miss (and miss, and miss),” but, “I love to write. I fuc*ing love it.”
That holds true.
And maybe it can be enough for me? Last Friday (and I plan to write about this in the future) I had my first session with a WBN writing coach, Tom Andes. We talked a bit about the short stories I’ve been writing, and I mentioned that I don’t really care about publishing them. I barely can muster a desire to revise/edit them.
I just want to write them.
And if that’s the case, and if I also want to write a novel, I suppose it shouldn’t matter whether I like my Chapter 1. Or my Chapter 2, or any subsequent chapter. Or the book as a whole.
If that’s true, then maybe Drew is right and I should just keep moving forward without ever looking back.
I don’t know. It’s something I need to work through.
This post has bounced around a lot, and I’m not sure what the focus is. But here are a few questions on my mind, and I’d love to hear your answers, to any or all:
Do you reread your WIP as you go, or do you forge ahead without looking back?
Do you ever feel exhilarated during and/or after a writing session only to crash hard the next day?
How do you typically end a writing session? Do you use a clock and/or a word count; do you write until you reach a specific predetermined point in the work itself; do you write until you’re out of gas; or other?
Do you like to write?
What are the worst things your internal critic tells you?
Do you regret reading this whole post?
WriteByNight co-founder David Duhr is fiction editor at the Texas Observer and co-host of the Yak Babies podcast, and has written about books for the Dallas Morning News, Electric Literature, Publishing Perspectives, and others.
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This is a two-part answer, because my current WIP uses a method unlike anything I’ve done before. I’ll tackle that one first for each question. 1a. I reread, mainly to orient myself before forging ahead; it’s analogous to an actor getting into character. Generally I go back and reread two or three preceding installments. With rare exception, I make no changes, and the changes I’ve made have been minor, like a word substitution or transposition. 1b. In past works, I’ve generally read a preceding scene or chapter, usually making more substantive but still relatively minor changes before forging ahead. 2a. I wouldn’t say… Read more »
I guess that you are like me, still trying to find that sweet spot for writing by attempting various things. I’m a hybrid plotter/pantster. I don’t do words per day so much as I do sprints that by the time my day is done, I’ve ended up doing around 2-5K words. Until I’ve gotten story down, I don’t worry too much about the finer details. If my character if flat, I’ll round them out in the rewrite. Missed something, I get it later. I may leave a note in a chapter to add/change/delete, etc, but I don’t stop to edit.… Read more »
Swooper! But with some element of planning ahead.
I *love* that 3B story. The writing fugue! I haven’t gone into one in a while (and didn’t, in the Chapter 1 this post is about), and I don’t think I’d like it to happen every time I write, but I do love that feeling of coming out of it and having no idea where I am or what time it is. It’s like when you fall asleep during the daytime and wake when it’s dark out: where am I? When am I? WHO am I?
Hello David, love the post, but here’s the thing… For all things in life, including but not limited to writing, we need to make friends with what you are calling your “inner critic.” That part of you has served you for a good long time, helping you to get where you are, and deserves your care and respect for having done so. But now you are shooting even higher and that particular voice, emotionally roughly 5 years old, should not be in charge. What we resist persists, so rather than resist your “inner critic,” you can listen, say thank you… Read more »
Thanks for sharing, Madelaine. I try not to let him be in charge; usually he comes out only after the fact, rather than when I’m writing. So that’s a start — he doesn’t often prevent me from doing the actual writing.
He just hates what comes out, and isn’t shy about telling me so…
Do you successfully work in tandem with your internal critic?
Yes, I am on friendly terms with my ‘internal critic’, which I now think of as more of an advisor. If any of you would like to learn how to manage your minds for more hours in the day, more freedom and fulfillment in your lives – that’s what I do.
First of all, I love to write. Editing, not so much. But to write, you need to lock that inner critic and editor in the closet or basement and not let them out until you are finished with the book. I only reread what I did so that I know where i left off and am headed. Only minor editing is allowed and that is for leaving notes to add or delete major points. There is no good or bad. . I don’t worry about good or bad because I know that first draft is horrid. The whole purpose of… Read more »
Thanks, Barbara. “But to write, you need to lock that inner critic and editor in the closet or basement and not let them out until you are finished with the book.”
I’m able to lock him in that closet during writing sessions, which is a good start, but never for the whole length of a project. That’s what I need to get to.
Correct. When writing, he isn’t allow to come out of that locked space. If you want, make a note of what happened in the last scene or chapter so you know where you are headed and pick up from there. Do not reread what you wrote. That isn’t allowed to happen until the project is completed and you have put it way for at least a month–preferably two. Only then is that editor and critic allowed to read it. That’s when you start making it all better.
(Or… decide it’s not worth pursuing.)
Hi Dave. Your post is great description of the artist’s struggle, especially the fiction writer. I think there is no “solution,” only strategies for dealing with the struggle and finding your balance. Easy to say, I realize. What helps me is planning, and so I map out the dramatic arc for every scene, making all the notes and references I feel I need. Scrivener greatly facilitates this process. I extend this construction to the totality of whatever I’m writing and it gives me something to evaluate for suckiness before I commit major writing time to it. I then forge ahead… Read more »
Thanks, Ray. At some point I really should try outlining, or at least making some notes and having at least a little bit of direction. Anything that can help me “evaluate for suckiness” (haha) ahead of time, rather than afterwards deciding the whole thing reeks of suck.
A couple of years ago, after a magazine folded, for which I’ve had a column for 20 years, I decided to motorcycle up to Thunder Bay, ON and give myself a writer’s retreat for two weeks to see if any of my old novel ideas still had life. I had two goals; 2,000 words a day before any recreation and to evaluate my passion for writing after 40-some years of mostly columns and essays. About 10 days into the “retreat,” conflicts with the AirB&B property owner convinced me that I’d had enough. The end result was that I easily accomplished… Read more »
What’s been happening since then? Have you continued to write anyway, even though it bores you?
For the last 40-some years, I’ve written technical articles, essays, and magazine articles; almost always under 1200 words. Since retirement, I am enjoying freedom from invoicing and collecting from clients and I try to do as little work for pay as possible. I’m satisfied with the creative outlet I get from 3 blogs. I misspoke when I wrote “t I was bored stiff with the activity and end result.” That was in reference to my attempts at fiction or long-form writing. I’m so habituated at editing to 900-1200 words that I don’t seem to be able to maintain my interest… Read more »
Have you ever thought about or tried writing flash fiction? If not, it might be worth a try, if for no other reason than to see what happens and how it feels.
First of all, I hope everyone is well and safe. I went back to work, going from zero to 10-hour days. I am calling it “screen and clean”. We have to temperature check everyone and clean constantly. Even on this schedule, I have written more in the past two weeks than in the previous three months. I am exhilarated, but also confused. No crash yet, just working on a rewrite and moving forward. As I am not working on chapters in order, I only review a little previous material for orientation. I am happiest when writing whether for publication, myself… Read more »
Thanks for sharing, Cherylann. It’s interesting that you can easily defeat the “not good enough” critic but not the “not working up to your potential” one. That’s a comment I heard all the way through my upbringing; it’s like every report card of my life had at least one “David is not working up to his potential.” But I was always like, “Yeah, you’re right. Because I don’t really care about this stuff.” My critic is basically telling me that I *am* working up to my potential… it’s just that there’s nothing there. At least your critic thinks you have… Read more »
David, it is all about tone. The tone I hear with not working up to my potential is poison. I will now talk back to that voice and thank it for thinking I have potential. I never thought of that. Thanks so much for the suggestion.
David, I don’t know if this will be any help. I am so green I need a lot of work to get up to the level of Novice. I find writing to be a little frustrating since my fingers are so much slower than my brain. I usually have a certain (variable) amount of time to write, and I stop when I run out of time. That may mean writing a sentence, a paragraph, a page, or more. I may reread that and make changes, correct typos, or leave notes, but I press on with the rest of the story.… Read more »
Thanks for sharing your process and thoughts, Doug. Your internal critic would give you advice, rather than telling you that you weren’t good enough, should just quit, etc? That’s interesting. I’ve known a few writers whose internal critics tell them to do X with their story instead of Y, which to me sounds potentially helpful. (Though potentially harmful, as well.) It’s more like an internal book critic, offering feedback on the work rather than on the writer’s talent.
I never needed the critic to doubt my talent as a creative writer. My interest first showed up as a preteen, and my parents spent years telling me what a bad idea that was. I still hear those voices, and I am nearly 60. Some years back, I read a published tale set in WW II. It was basically a good story, but the author missed several opportunities to make it better, and followed a thread or two that detracted from it. He got published anyway, and that got me wondering. I can never be as Great as my parents… Read more »
It’s funny how some of those old critical voices never go away. (And by “funny” I mean awful awful awful.) A fellow WriteByNighter about your age had a devastating experience with a grade-school teacher and it affected him for decades. (I’ll let him relate the experience again here, if he cares to.) But it sounds like you’ve found your way through it, which I’m glad to hear. Onward.
Tell your parents thank you very much but it’s my life now go away. If your fingers don’t keep up with your brain, try dictating the story. There are a lot of good speech to typing programs out there. (Dragon is on of the more famous of them [and expensive]) Just remember that until you have written (and edited) at least a million words, you are still a beginner. Like I told David, start at the beginning and go to the end without judging the worthiness of the work. You can do that later when you are fixing it up.
Yup. I like being a greenhorn, working up to novice, hoping to become a beginner. It leaves me free to admit I don’t know what I don’t know, to ask for help, to learn, to grow, all without any baggage. This is fun, whether I come up with a readable story or not. Of course, I hope I do come up with a book people will enjoy reading, but at the moment the goal is to finish and polish the story so that it is the best it can be. I surprised myself by becoming a very capable computer programmer… Read more »
Asking for help is something all writers, of all experience levels, need to do sometimes. But lots of them can’t. Thankfully, I still can. That’s what these posts are usually about, after all. They may as well all be titled “Help Me!”
“Just remember that until you have written (and edited) at least a million words, you are still a beginner.” Is this quoting someone?
it is, but I can’t remember who said (or wrote) it. I still consider myself an experienced beginner since editing is my biggest bugagoo that I’m working on this year. I’ve made good headway with a ton of help. My favorite Master Class was James Patterson. The second was Dan Brown (specific of suspense and thriller writers). I’ve worked with the story grid and several of James Scott Bell’s books, along with a couple of editing classes. Once I get the big problems fixed, the rest is a lot easier. I have learned that perfection isn’t necessary unless you’re a… Read more »
Hi Dave, Years ago, I’d read a writer’s rule to not rewrite until the first draft was done or you’d never finish. I generally break that rule if I’m in a writers group, because I need to have something to show. I would take the 4 pages or whatever I needed for the group and clean it up so it would be readable. I wouldn’t worry about style or any big-picture issues. I just didn’t want them to focus on spelling, punctuation, and wrong or empty words; so I clean those up. Occasionally I would have something that wasn’t working… Read more »
It’s good to hear from you, Dave. I’m glad you’ve decided to cut yourself some slack for not writing during this chaotic time. So long as you’re writing *something*, you’re keeping those muscles in shape. I have a feeling that when you’re ready to get back to it, it won’t be much of a struggle.
The truth is that until over 70% of the people have had the virus, it will keep coming back….no antibodies to stop it. It’s like all the other flus and should be treated the same…stay home if you are sick, wash your hands, keep the hands away from your face. With that said, I get the issue with they groups. Luckily, I have several completed manuscripts that I can use for my critique group. I edit multiple times then push it out to be critiqued while working on the next chapter. Hopefully you get back into writing soon. Meanwhile go… Read more »
I don’t know if it’s weird, but I write my entries twice. I hand write on paper at work, because a laptop isn’t feasible (and I like hand writing!). So when I take over from the last session, I do read back a bit to know where I was in the narrative, but not really to decide if it’s ‘good’ or not. The second time I write it, is copying it into Scrivener on my PC, and I do minor edits/word choice changes to make it sound more better. :D In the regard of deciding if my work is good… Read more »
Thanks, Tadd. I like that Sanderson advice. I wonder if it applies to entire drafts of his books. Doesn’t that dude write thick bricks?
I should get back to writing by hand sometimes. Most of the short stories I’ve written the past couple of years have been handwritten first into little blue notebooks, and then, like you, I edit/revise as I transcribe them into Word or Scrivener. I really enjoy that process. It’s been awhile, though. The pencil bump on my middle finger is beginning to shrink…
Yee, some of his books are 400k words…lol! I’m not sure how he does the drafts, but his website says he’s on draft 4 of his new book, so there must be a lot of polishing going on somewhere! He writes big epics and smaller ones, but apparently they’re all connected in one big universe, so I imagine theres a LOT going on there. (I just bought a few of his books, but haven’t read anything yet.) Now get in there and build up that pencil bump, soldier! Let me see your writing face! (I guess it’s probably not like… Read more »
Man. I’m not sure I’ve written 400,000 words total, lifetime. Imagine the pencil bump after handwriting 400,000 words!
Two times I’ve drafted novels in a single month. I could not have done that had I not been participating in NaNoWriMo (where you challenge yourself to write, with no preparation, up to 50,000 words of a novel or writing piece in a single month). Both times were a “one-day-at-a-time” experience, never knowing if I’d be able to repeat it the next day. But I did, because I always said to myself that I can bail at any time (to reduce the pressure). The first time I did NaNoWriMo, I wrote 1,667 words/day. The second time, 3-4 years after that,… Read more »
Thanks for sharing, Mary. Did you revise those NaNo novels, or did you write them just for the experience and challenge? Just a few minutes ago I came across this passage from the book I’m presently reading, a slight revision/update of a previously published version of itself: “I hate to write and love to revise … [this project] gave me plenty of scope for practicing my favorite trade of revisionist.” It’s really interesting to me, a writer who doesn’t like to write. I guess they’re out there. But you like to write *and* you like having written. Me too. But… Read more »
“The only things I like to revise are the stories of my past, the ones I tell myself.” (quote by me, just now) Thanks to one of Write By Night’s coaches, yes, I AM in the process of revising the first novel, and I hope at some point the second one as well. I will say the discipline of sitting down to write (not unlike getting the energy to work out) is an effort, but once you’re in, ideally a flow will take over and that’s the part I like, and that’s the part that leads to the “having written”… Read more »
Let us not lose sight of the fact that writing a novel is not a sprint. It is a marathon. Long, arduous, and full of pain-staking decisions and lip-biting. You should revel in the fact that you began a novel, completing its opening chapter. Lest not we also forget that novels are written and rewritten and rewritten. I would encourage you, as others have, to move forward. ALWAYS move forward. It’s a show of progress. There is something psychologically satisfying about saying I did something. When we train, we perform repetitive actions, or reps, to get the most out of… Read more »
Thanks for this, MJ. You ought to publish this comment as an essay somewhere. And thank you for reminding me that “craptastic” is a word; it’s been too long since I’ve used it.
I don’t think this Chapter 1 is salvageable, so it’s not worth moving to Chapter 2. But next time I write the opening chapter, I’m going to keep all of these comments in mind and. Just. Keep. Moving.
Good idea there. Another thing, it might help to plan ahead. have a basic plan for where you are going to go even if it’s nothing but one or two lines for each scene/chapter. Work out who your characters are including that villain. You can pantser from that, but you might just need to know the basics of what your story is to keep going.
Yeah. A lot of that would be a matter of pulling together what would be a large stack of random notes spread across many notebooks and computer files scattered around various parts of this city. But… I can do it.
Hey David, This is long. Well, the first thing that came to mind when I read about your experience with your Monday morning quarterback was a saying that I am paraphrasing and which has been variously attributed but I heard first as being a Sufi principle: Before you open your mouth to speak, ask yourself three things–Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Tell that to your critic. Especially tell him (or her?) to be kind. My problems with writing lately have not been with the writing itself. I’m generally satisfied, but I do work a chapter over… Read more »
However, I always have remembered reading that someone–Joyce Carol Oates, maybe–said you can’t begin writing or you can’t know the first line until you know the last one. So I do have to have a very loose outline before I can write the beginning of a book because it all has to lead to the climax, Also I question whether what I am writing is what people want to read, but I follow the advice of some writers who say to write the book that YOU want to read. I came across a book in the library called So, Your… Read more »
Haha, I was just copy/pasting the portions of your comment I wanted to respond to, but then I clicked “post comment” in a moment of panic. And now I’m being sidetracked. I’ll be back!
Anywho. Thanks for the thoughtful reply, Susan. “However, I always have remembered reading that someone–Joyce Carol Oates, maybe–said you can’t begin writing or you can’t know the first line until you know the last one. So I do have to have a very loose outline before I can write the beginning of a book because it all has to lead to the climax” I do have a closing scene in mind, though not a last line. It’s kind of the denouement; I don’t have a climax yet. Maybe that’s (part of) what I need. “Also I question whether what I… Read more »
PS: Just read a little more of that Toni Morrison: “Language can never “pin down” slavery, genocide, war. Nor should it yearn for the arrogance to be able to do so. Its force, its felicity is in its reach toward the ineffable.”
(Look, there it is again, that word ‘ineffable.’ Look at that last sentence, all those f’s. I have goosebumps.)
There’s a word for that thing where a word or phrase feels new to you and then you suddenly start seeing it everywhere. What is it? Something German maybe. Or Japanese. My computer is about to die; I’ll find it later. Though probably you already know what it is.
I find it very counter productive to re-read anything until I have finished it. Then I like to put it away for a few days, weeks or even months, depending on the length of the work before I take it out again and edit. That’s worked for me!
Thanks for sharing, Erica. What happens when you pull it out of the drawer? How do you tend to feel upon rereading it?
It feels a little like someone else’s work, which means I can be more critical!